Taking the bull by the horns? Men learn how to treat women better

The Calm Hotline takes calls from men in Bogotá, Colombia, in an effort to address the root causes of domestic violence: a culture of machismo. Four psychologists take emergency calls – about 700 calls came in the service's first month – and works to refer the callers to an eight-week "gender transformation program" that will attempt to change men's toxic attitudes that can lead to violence. The program is patterned on a counseling hotline in the Colombian city of Barrancabermeja that was associated with a steep decline in domestic violence.

Private dinners for only men to discuss notions of feminism and toxic masculinity have been picking up in interest across Sweden. What started in earnest following a string of assaults against women in 2016 has now become more commonplace after the #MeToo movement. Male participants testify to how comforting it is to be able to talk these issues out amongst men and figure out the best ways to act with people that they don't know as well as their own group of friends. The program now has served thousands of men across Sweden and is also publishing online guides for anyone to set up similar conversations.

A program launched by the Equal Community Foundation (ECF) in 2011 called Action for Equality (AFE) educates more than 5,000 teenage boys in Pune, India about violence against women. They spend 43 weeks learning curriculum designed to help them spot gender-based violence, how to intervene and be a model for change, and how to disrupt gender norms. The program is especially effective, because it is coordinated by young men in their 20s whom the teenage boys look up to. About 80% of participants graduate, and many families testify to their son/brother/nephew's changed behavior.

A program called RAPP (Relationship Abuse Prevention Program) uses safe spaces for teens to talk about their romantic relationships with both peer and adult leaders as a way to prevent abusive relationships through education. It is supported by New York City's Human Resources Administration, the Mayor’s Office to End Domestic and Gender-Based Violence, Day One, and Steps to End Violence and Urban Resource Institute (URI). The program is now in 94 schools across the city, and participants / peer leaders testify to how much it changed their lives.

In Kenya, and in other parts of Africa, widows are considered impure until a male has sex with them and cleanses them. If they don’t get cleansed they face social stigma. However, one widow, Roseline Orwa, refused, and instead created the Rona Foundation. “The center provides loss and grief counseling, financial support and teaches entrepreneurial skills.” She also successfully lobbied for a bill that outlawed widow cleansing. However, even though the practice is still prevalent in rural parts of Kenya, both men and women are talking about ending the practice through talk sessions offered by the center. “A

Home Free is a small, transitional-housing program for women who served long prison sentences for crimes against or on behalf of their abusers. A population long neglected, the women are part of a community recovering from the trauma of prison and the trauma that put them there. Giving them autonomy, in ways typical re-entry programs do not, is key to their recovery. “Home Free is the culmination of a decades-long struggle by women to be seen and supported by a system that has condemned and ignored them.”

Bogotá’s city government started the Calm Line to give men a way to connect by telephone with psychologists trained in therapeutic responses to the machismo that leads to gender-based violence. Despite doubts that Colombian men would use the service, the line fields about a dozen calls a day. "Fear, shame and confusion pervade many of the conversations," but also can lead to breakthroughs in understanding the attitudes that oppress women. That understanding is the first step toward cultural change, the Calm Line's supporters believe.

Mothers and Sons is a six-week domestic-violence prevention program for boys 6-8 years old and their mothers. Unlike programs aimed at older youth and men, mothers sign up for this because they want their sons to grow up with healthy, respectful, non-violent attitudes toward women. While mothers meet with social workers to discuss parenting skills, boys meet with a male psychologist to learn good ways to handle their emotions and self-expression. Demand for the program has been strong among area mothers, who have given it positive reviews after they completed it.

The Duluth Model is one of multiple successful responses to domestic violence that focus on prevention through counseling and education, rather than relying only on punishment after a crime has been committed. The often-copied Duluth approach uses an intense, multi-agency response that includes putting men who abuse their partners through a lengthy treatment program. That program leads men to examine their lives and attitudes toward women, and has been credited with keeping 70% of its graduates out of trouble.

A grassroots movement in Burundi has resulted in more familial bliss for households who suffered from domestic abuse. Through CARE International, a group of Burundian men are taking on toxic masculinity, entrenched cultural misogyny, and "destructive gender roles" through community meetings. Previously abusive men speak to their communities about how and why they were able to break the cycle and how their families have benefitted from a better home environment, better relationships, and even the benefit of being able to make and save more money as a result of helping their wives, instead of abusing them.